Heart in Hand

     I have never thought of myself as an adventurer, and for most of my life, no one else has either.  Prone to over-analysis and exceedingly cautious by nature, I'm more surprised than anyone to wake up on a continent far away from the one I'm most used to.  The heady mix of languages that float in my window over the call to prayer finds me just as the sunlight does each morning, asking myself "How did I end up here?"

     Before I left home, I was consistently asked "Why Africa? Why Senegal? Why so long?" And for a long time I could not find a satisfactory answer. There were superficial responses:

"For my career."

"To check off another continent."

"It'll look good on my resume." 

"I want to improve my French."

"It's a chance to get out of State College for a bit."

     Really, I didn't have a clue how I found myself on this path, just that I seemed to be continually rolling forward. 

     I never did come up with a particularly good reason to come here and perhaps, therein lies the answer. Maybe the driving force turned out to be the conspicuous lack of reasons not to go. I'm young now and as close to invincible as I will ever be. I have the time academically and the generous support of my family. I was accepted by an excellent program with the capacity to teach me incredibly valuable lessons. I was scared, but not paralyzed. Taken individually, these reasons were not enough to convince me to leave the comforts of home but together they sustained a tiny voice in my mind that insistently, ceaselessly asked "Why not?" 

     This small voice is not brave or courageous but it is demanding. It asserts itself when I feel an excuse forming on my lips; it questions everything I am afraid to do. 

That car rapide seems like it's running on fumes and luck I think I ought to walk home.

"Why not ride?"

Pretty sure the CDC does not recommend street food.

"Why not eat?"

I don't know any of the steps and there are so many people watching.

"Why not dance?"

A rural clinic will be such a departure from anything I've done before.

"Why not go?"

After a month (!) here, I still don't consider myself an adventurer or in anyway gallant but I rely on that voice to challenge my complacency. 

Gratuitous "my city is pretty" shot

A favorite quotation that has been ringing in my ears is by Norman Vincent Peale. 

"Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow."

So I attempt to spend each day, heart in hand, moving forward in good faith that if I answer that little voice with a brief moment of courage, the rest will follow. Hopefully by the time I leave here, I'll be able to tell you why I came.